DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS EVERYWHERE,BUT ON THE RISE IN NIGERIA. STAND UP AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?. “That cry that you will cry,cry it now when the Saints are here.After they are gone, there will be no recovery”.( sister Osinachi Nwachukwu) The Nigeria culture is indifferent about the interpretation of domestic violence towards partners(spouse). They tend to normalize it.Example he gave her a small beating. What is small about hitting your wife?. It is ok,just stay with your partner that is all that matters. “Divorce is not an option”. Says one pastor in Nigeria.There is nothing normal in an abusive behavior.Is it normal until he gives you a final blow to the chest?.What trauma are the children of the abused go through?.It is constant trauma to these children?. Even the Pastors, Reverend Fathers,who are suppose to protect the victims will look the other side. But when victims are permanently silenced,they preach about the death,and demand for donations for holding mass over the death. Most men that abuse and beat their wives are mentally sick. This sickness is manifested in their behavior, disturbance in cognition or emotions. They are deviants,dysfunctional, abnormal,obnoxious and can be potentially dangerous to live with. In some Nigeria culture,it will be deviant for a woman to leave her marriage. So they hang in there until they meet their untimely death. Is social workers effective in the areas of domestic violence?. What about families and police officers?. What laws are in place against domestic violence?. Why do women meet untimely deaths in Nigeria?. The man quickly remarry as soon as she is done.The police,social services, the churches and voluntary organizations should work together to tackle and deal with domestic violence towards partners in our society. Children are growing up with their grandparents. During the early adulthood, developing a meaningful relationship ,graduate from college and get employed( career)are very important for young adults. This is the period that you think about getting married one day and have family and children.So what changed?. What is domestic violence?. There is no justification for domestic violence towards partners. They often blame it on stress and upheavals,lack of resources. All these are false information and unfounded. Be your own advocate.

What is domestic violence?.

It can be defined as a pattern of behavior in a relationship that is used to gain power,

maintain and control of a partner or spouse.

There are eight characteristics of abusive relationship.

The main objective is POWER and CONTROL.

1.Forces and threatened her to do what I said or else.Insulted and pushed her out of her own car.Putting her down,making her life a living hell.Preventing family members to be close to her.Not allowing her to keep a job and taking away from her.Prevent her to have account in her name.Gives her allowances. Make her to request or ask for money whenever she wants to buy something .Who does that?.

2.Uses economic power against her.She makes the money he spends it and deprived her access to what belongs to her.Abusive partners are poor providers.

3.Using the children: He used their children to relay messages to her.Violent partners will often abuse their victims in front of their children.

4. Making a excuse for his actions, denying and depriving the individual and turns around to blame their victim. He will do everything to put you down.For example he gave her a small beating. What is small about hitting your wife?.

5.Isolation of their partners.Do you want to go and see your friends he asked?.

Well you are not going anywhere since you can’t drive.He does not allow friends and families to come over.Oh your brother wants to visit us?.Just tell him that we are traveling and will be out of town for two weeks. These are all made up excuses to prevent her brother or family members from visiting.

6.The Man of the House.He uses the male privileges against you.Wants you to cook and clean when you’re sick or has surgical intervention. Dishonest and a liar.He uses aggressive behavior within the house to abuse his partner.

7.Emotionally Abusive: He is Emotionally insulting and puts you down.Sex is for him and not for both of you. To pleasure him.He claims of dry vagina when he did not romance his partner. Ejaculate earlier than expected. When his partner complains ,his response is shut up you should be grateful to me.Really for what?.Staining in between my legs and gown with semen?.

8.He uses intimidation all the time to control and relegate his partner to the background. Physical, psychological and social intimidation is not good in any relationship as it affects the children and the victim.

Published by edochie99

A Registered Nurse with over twenty years of hospital experience, an author with Masters Degree in Nursing,also Bachelor Degree in Nursing,graduated in 1996 from USC,University of Southern California.MSN in 2009 University of Phoenix.

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